Sunday, January 25, 2009

Caylabne Bay Resort



Shot these photos during a location check at Caylabne Bay Resort last January 23, 2009 for Project "Sizzle." Buti na lang, di na-approve. Or else, it would take a while before I could post these photos here. Hehehe! Obvious ba?! We had fun while we worked. :)


More photos in my Multiply site:
http://byahengbarok.multiply.com/photos/album/75/Caylabne_Bay_Resort



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

When Do You Stop Helping?

By nature, I'd like to be left alone and let me figure out things and go through situations on my own -- my time and my terms. This has been a common complaint from good friends who knew (and sometimes, never knew at all) that I have gone through diffucult times. More often than not, they'll hear about this incident long after I've passed through them and survived.
_
On the other hand, I like helping out friends in whatever way I can. Sometimes, I even have to go out of my way just to make sure that I am there when needed. Everything for them without expecting anything back.
_
But then, when you've helped so much, so much more than what you can actually give, would it be okay to stop helping? When you've drained too much energy and there's nothing left for your own sake, would it be okay to say you've helped enough? Is it right to draw a line when you help a friend in need?
_
In my case, he's not even a friend...
_
And when I am inflicted with a moment of selfishness, I am reminded of the help I had when I was the one in need... There was none.
_
So, why then should I help now?

I have given my fair share of help. But obviously, it's not enough.

Why should I continue helping?

Because whether I admit to the truth or not, he is a part of my life. Because with whatever I have gone through in the past, I have survied them and I am honestly okay now. Because compared to the two of us, I ended up the better person.

But is being better also means we do not stop helping?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Ooops, Sorry...

I never should have felt superbly stupid last Sunday. There was a valid reason why things didn't turn out the way I expected them to be.

My questions now are:

Why is it so hard for people to simply say what they have in mind? Why is it so difficult to say exactly what they're feeling? Are there no words to describe it perfectly? Can't a simple but definite black and white answer do? Gray answers make the situation complicated and worse, you know.

Sorry for last Sunday. You could have just blurted out the truth. Period.

Now, I really feel superbly stupid to the highest level for sending the text message I sent.

Ooops, sorry.


Monday, January 12, 2009

You Learn

Feeling superbly stupid from the text message I sent to the one that pisses me off for so many days now, I spent the entire day working with music playing through my laptop. In times like this, I usually try to correlate songs with what I'm feeling. Hmmm... Walang bagay.

Until I got to this old Alanis Morisette song. While silently singing to its lyrics (huh? pano yun?), I realized, this song fits me today. I quickly searched for the lyrics online... And there you go! Bagay nga...

You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn

You grieve, you learn
You choke, you learn
You laugh, you learn
You choose, you learn
You pray, you learn
You ask, you learn
You live, you learn

But then, alam mo na naman 'to noon pa, diba, Barok? So, get your act together and F-O-C-U-S!!! You don't need parasites in your life that drain your strength and enthusiam. You know you're better than this now.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

You are Bold and Fearless

Just how much of these things are true. Hmmm... Found this in Facebook and thought of posting it here. (You may also check out:
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/results/?result=Audreygladys)

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Not a Good Way to Start the Year

This is not a good way to start the year... Hmp!

Sometimes, no matter how high our spirits are, someone will really try to make us feel bad. Worse, unworthy.

I marked today as my last day of "patiently" waiting to talk with this someone who's making me feel bad right now. Yes, despite the fact that he makes me feel bad, I felt it was important to talk with him face-to-face and set things straight. It would make me feel better to put things out in the open, discuss all issues, and end as good friends. Yes, as good friends.

This is one of my life's lessons that I give value to. When something is wrong, or someone has done me wrong, I would rather set things straight immediately. No procrastinations. The agony of prolonging it makes the situation worse actually.

But what if that person prefers to cool it off first and spends time on their own to figure things out? ARGGGHHHH!!! I hate that... I hate it so much...

And as much as I wanted to say "ok, i understand," I simply can't accept it. And based on past experiences, this will get worse. And already, I'm consuming all of my powers to keep myself cool and refrain from making things worse.

I hate what this does to me right now. It's making my supposedly positive outlook in 2009 start off in a bad light. Nakakainis.

I shouldn't be around people like this.

I really don't need this.

After almost a decade of being like this, I have finally started being okay. ARGGGHHHH.... I don't need this right now.

Looking forward to a busy schedule at work to keep my mind off this.

I really don't need this now.

And I really don't need him right now.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year's Resolution


A couple of nights ago, I browsed through my blogs and realized that for the past year (as if that was ages ago), I made myself a "realistic" new year's resolution. Yup, realistic. No grand changes, no elaborate wishes, etc. Plain and simple resolutions that I thought then would be manageable.

Here's what I wrote last January 2, 2008:

1. Update my blogsites every so often, at least, once a month

Done! I've been religiously updating my Multiply and Blogspot sites this year despite my hectic schedule. Of course, there were more entries made while I was in hybernation (from work). And more photos were uploaded than write-ups in my journals. Well, at least, it's updated!

2. Go out and have fun with my son, at least, once a month. (If schedule doesn't permit this, hmmm.... once in two months?)

Well, this didn't happen much... But I'd like to believe that I was able to spend a considerable amount of time given the schedule I had the past year. They may only be a few dates, but I hoped they made a mark in my son's mind.

Let's see... I'll try to enumerate them on a monthly basis:

January - Busy
_
February - Busy
_
March - With the Holy Week trip, my son and I were able to go, tour and experience 4 different Asian countries: Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Singapore.
_
April - Since there weren't too much work during this month, I was able to spend more time with my son as I brought him to school for his swimming and taekwondo summer classes.
May - Took time out from my shoot and attended my son's Taekwondo promotion test at the Ateneo de Manila University. It's like a culminating activity of some sort that all Taekwondo students go through so they can be promoted into a higher belt. Of course, my son became a yellow-belter.
_
June - Hectic! Hectic! Hectic! So, whenever I can, I bring my son along at work so I can spend more time with him. Well, technically, he plays his Game Boy as I do my work. At least, we get to eat lunch together!
_
July - Went out malling with him. Also brought him to the Manila Ocean Park.
_
August - Guilty as hell for going to Sagada without tagging him along... Still, I got to spend time with him when he joined his first ever taekwondo tournament. Although he lost, we, together with the rest of my family, spent the day at the mall and in Tagaytay.
_
September - We were in Hong Kong and Macau for his 7th birthday!!!
_
October - Spent more time with my son by bringing him along in my photo shoots. He served as my "assistant," clicking the remote control whenever I take night photos.
_
November - Busy
_
December - Kawawa naman, he had to sleep through Christmas Eve instead of opening his gifts at home. He spent the night with me at the hospital during Christmas Eve. He left after lunch on Christmas Day so he could open his gifts at home... which I never got to see.
_
SIGH... I feel so guilty!

3. Lose 30 to 40 pounds within a year (Now, this is the understatement of the year... Tingnan nga natin...)
_
Hahaha! I lost about 10 to 15 pounds alone in the 5 days I got sick last week cause I couldn't eat anything. Parang ayoko naman yatang magpa-payat ng ganon. Hehehe! Don't worry, whatever I lost back then, I got them all back in one day once I went back to my normal eating habits! HAYYYYY.... Wag na, take this out in any new year's resolution. This is unrealistic. Hehehe!

So, am I making a list of resolutions for 2009?

Nope.

Not that I can't keep up with my own list... But who needs a new year's resolution when you can simply change your ways at any day of the year. It doesn't have to be a new year... It could be on the middle of the year, for pete's sake! If I really need to change, I should change today. Right now. Not 365 days later.

I guess, my 2008 has been so blessed that I feel there's no need to make any drastic changes. Maybe, maintain what worked well? Oh, except for spending more time with my son. Yeah, I should definitely do more of this.