The Look

You see that look? You only see that from children whose only refuge is a mother's embrace and sweet words. My son used to look at me that way. But he's all grown up now, living his own life. I'm not bitter. I'm just beginning to accept that my new role now is to stay at the background.



The photos above are my niece and my grandson. Yup! I am a certified grandmother... But Carla (Mom above) is a niece from a second cousin. So, technically, I am not their official grandmother. Hehehe! I'm just in denial.

The rest of my grandchildren's photos are in my Multiply site: http://byahengbarok.multiply.com/photos/album/134/Dahil_Lola_na_Ako

November 1, 2009

I don’t usually go to cemeteries during November 1 or 2. The closest relative I have whose buried here in Metro Manila is my Mom’s grandmother. We never even met her. Though we were able to visit her tomb at the Manila South Cemetery a couple of times, my siblings and I never accompanied our Mom during the first of November.

But since my 6-week hiatus has made me bored and depressed, I decided to join my Mom in visiting her grandmother’s tomb today. I saw the November 1 event as an opportunity for me to take photographs.

So, by 8am, we were on our way to the Manila South Cemetery in Makati City. Good thing it was just near where I work, so I know the fastest route getting there. We only stayed a few minutes at my great grandmother’s tomb. We barely stayed for an hour. But it’s enough for me to take photographs. He! He! He!

We went back home to eat an early lunch. By 11am, we boarded a G-Liner bus bound for Taytay. This time, we are going to visit ‘Ta Rosie and her husband, ‘To Rudy, at the Sto. Rosario Memorial Park. ‘Ta Rosie is Mom’s cousin who died last year.

Though it was my first time to commute to such a far-off place since my major operation, surprisingly, I never had any difficulty. But it was one hell of a tiring day for me. At least, I got to do what I’ve wanted to do for 6 weeks now. And honestly, I feel so alive! He! He! He!

Don’t worry, I didn’t just take photos. Promise, I said a prayer or two for them.

Complete set of photos are in Multiply site: http://byahengbarok.multiply.com/photos/album/132/November_1_2009

CEB Richer Because of Me

Once again, CEB is richer because of me.

As of August 16, 2009, I have wasted five (5) round trip tickets of Cebu Pacific flights. Wasted as in unused.

First, during our 2008 trip to Malapascua and Bantayan in Cebu, my son wasn’t able to join us as his first day of their first quarterly exams were scheduled exactly on our scheduled flight to Cebu. I went ahead to Cebu, along with my friends, and he stayed here in Manila for his exams. At that time, the round trip ticket we bought cost PhP 2,748.00 per person (PhP 1,374 per flight).

Second, Os, Roselle and I booked a flight to Zamboanga for the month of November, still 2008. But because of last minute problems at work that need to be ironed out, I didn’t push through with the trip. The round trip ticket costs PhP 1,432 (PhP 716 per flight).

Third, and the most expensive ticket of all, is today, October 16.

Last December 2008, we booked a flight going to Bacolod in the hope that we can watch and take photos of the Maskara Festival. Not knowing what the specific schedules of the festival would be, we still booked our flights.

Last August, I was the first to declare that I won’t be joining the Bacolod trip. I would undergo an operation in September and there’s no way I would be well enough to travel by the time of the festival. But it’s okay. My Mom and my son are still going to Bacolod, together with my friends.

Come September, we got my son’s second quarterly exam schedules. The first day of the exam falls exactly on the scheduled flight to Bacolod. So, I decided then, that my Mom would have to go to Bacolod, together with my friends, so she can have the opportunity of seeing her relatives there.

And before September was over, we all experienced the wrath of typhoon Ondoy, putting Roselle’s house under waist-deep waters, and Laiza’s entire house completely submerged under the flood.

My friends decided, then, to just re-book the flight schedules and let Roselle and Laiza recover first from their tragedies. I was more than happy with the re-booking plan as it means, my son and I can still go to Bacolod with our friends.

I gave my Mom two options. She can either go Bacolod as scheduled so she can see her relatives at the soonest possible time. Or, she can have her flight re-booked as well so she can join us. She chose to join us, of course.

Then last week, we heard news from Davao that my grandmother’s health condition is getting worse. Immediately, I booked a flight for my Mom via PAL.

Last Wednesday, I called up CEB to have our flights re-booked. Our initial understanding was our tickets were valid up to one year. So, we thought of having our tickets re-booked to the 2010 Maskara Festival. However, the CEB personnel I spoke with on the phone clarified with her supervisor that the validity of the tickets were up to December 2009 only as the tickets were bought December 2008.

Okay. No problem. I can re-sked our flights either on the last week of October or December. If my friends can’t join this trip, then we (me, my Mom and my son) would have to make this trip to Bacolod on our own. But, lo and behold, the CEB personnel gave me the computation of the additional charges for the re-booking. For the re-booking fee, ticket price difference and taxes, I have to pay PhP 2,508 per person. Geez! That’s PhP 7,524 for me, my Mom and my son! It’s a whole lot cheaper to buy a new set of tickets to Bacolod for all the three of us. SIGH…

So that night, I decided to push through with the Bacolod trip with my son (his second quarterly exams were cancelled because of typhoon Ondoy). At least, we can use two out of the three tickets we bought (as my Mom is still in Davao). By Thursday morning, I called up my doctor and asked if it was okay for me to travel via airplane. I got a go-signal.

I was so excited that I started to pack some clothes, texted our relatives at Bacolod and informed my officemates that I’ll be joining them in Bacolod (they’re there for the festival too). But, of course, everything wasn’t final. I have yet to talk with my son.

To make the long story short, the final decision was a “no.” (Read the entry here: http://byahengbarok.blogspot.com/2009/10/final-decision-no.html)

And this time, I wasted a total of PhP 7,294.08. That’s PhP 2,431.36 for a round-trip flight to Bacolod, per person. SIGH…

To date, this is how much money I have wasted for the unused flights:

Mokong’s Cebu flight last August 2008 – PhP 2,748.00
My Zamboanga flight last November 2008 – PhP 1,432.00
Mokong, Mom and mine’s flight to Bacolod this October 2009 – PhP 7,294.08

Grand total – PhP 11,474.08

SIGH…

I could have used that money for a new lens.
I could have used that money for a new Northface jacket I’ve been eyeing for a year now.
I could have used that money for a new Northface bush hat (the one that I lost), a Lowepro UWA lens case, and a Hoya filters for my UWA.
I could have used that money to buy a new Olympus waterproof point-and-shoot camera. I could have used that money to buy the new HP laptop I saw (the rest would have to charged to credit card, of course).
I could have used that money for a Lowepro Voyager contoured camera strap and a Crumpler 8 Million Dollar Home camera bag.

SIGH,,,

If only I could….

Final Decision: NO

This is the conversation I just had with my son a couple of minutes ago. I tried to write the words as exactly as I remember them, but of course, I could only remember so much.

_
Barok: Francis, gusto kasing mag-punta ni Mommy sa Bacolod. Malayo yun.
Mokong: Sasakay ng airplane?
Barok: Opo. Meron kasing fiesta dun. Alam mo ba yung fiesta?
Mokong: Opo. Celebration.
Barok: Tapos, meron silang parang parade dun. Yung mga nagsasayaw sa kalsada. Parang yung mga ati-atihan. Alam mo ba yun?
Mokong: Opo.
Barok: Gusto kasing magpunta ni Mommy dun.
Mokong: Kelan yun?

Barok: Bukas, pagkatapos ng school mo, sasakay tayo ng airplane. Tapos, dun tayo matutulog ng Friday night. Tapos, doon din ng Saturday night. Tapos, Sunday evening, uuwi na tayo. Dun tayo mag-i-sleep sa mga lola ko, pero ibang mga lola yun.

Mokong: Kasama natin si Tito Bong?
Barok: Hindi. Tayong dalawa lang.
_
(Puts his hands on his eyes, covering them.)
_
Barok: O, bakit?
Mokong: Iniisip ko kasi...

Barok: Ang alin? Nagligpit na nga si Mommy ng damit natin eh. Lalagay ko na lang sa maleta mo. Gusto kasing magpunta ni Mommy dun. Kaya lang, maraming tao dun ha kasi fiesta. Tsaka baka mahaba yung lalakarin natin sa kalsada.

Mokong: Eh pano pag na-tired tayo?
Barok: Eh di mag-re-rest tayo. Pero dapat, he-help mo si Mommy sa pag-carry ng bag, ha.
_
(Puts his hands on his eyes, covering them again.)
_
Mokong: Parang hindi, Mommy.
Barok: Ang alin ang hindi?
Mokong: Parang hindi na lang.
Barok: Hindi na lang pupunta ng Bacolod?
Mokong: Hindi na lang ako sasama.
Barok: Eh, pag walang kasama si Mommy, hindi na pupunta si Mommy sa Bacolod.
Mokong: (teary-eyed) Magagalit ka, Mommy?
Barok: Hindi, pero ma-sa-sad si Mommy.
Mokong: Bukas ma-sa-sad ka pa rin ?
Barok: Oo.
Mokong: Eh, sa Saturday, ma-sa-sad ka pa rin ?
Barok: Oo.
Mokong: Eh, sa Sunday?
Barok: Oo, kase syempre, gustong pumunta ni Mommy dun.
_
(Mokong now crying.)
_
Barok: Ay, bakit ka umiiyak?
__
(No answer.)
_
Barok: Ay, look at Mommy. Hindi ako magagalit, bakit ka umiiyak?
_
(Still no answer.)
_
Barok: Bakit sabi mo hindi na?
Mokong: (In between tears) Eh, kasi maraming tao.
Barok: Eh, ano naman ngayon kung maraming tao?
Mokong: Eh, baka matatamaan ka nila.

Barok: Eh di dun tayo sa malayo, dun sa konti ang tao. Hindi tayo lalapit dun sa maraming tao.

Mokong: Eh paano kung merong biglang dumaan sa likod.
Barok: Eh okay lang yung kung maraming tao. Diba, ikaw ang nurse ni Mommy?
Mokong: Eh baka matatamaan ka nila, wala akong magagawa. (Cried more).
Barok: Bakit wala kang magagawa?
_
(Silence.)
_
Barok: Bakit wala kang magagawa?
Mokong: (In between tears) Baka wala tayong gamot dun.
_

Realizing how he imagined what might happen to me while in Bacolod and how he felt helpless should something does happen to me made me cry. Sure, there’s disappointment for his final decision of not pushing through with this Bacolod trip, but the mere thought that he was more concerned for me was overwhelming. I cried with him.

_
Mokong: Mommy, bakit ka umiiyak?
_
(My turn to reply with silence.)
_
Mokong: Na-sa-sad ka na eh. (And he cried more.)
_

I still can’t answer. Mokong got up, took a face towel from the pile of clothes nearby and gave it to me. I cried even more, and so did Mokong.

_
Barok: Francis, eh bakit ka nagka-cry?
Mokong: Eh kasi, sad ka. Pag sad ka, sad din ako.
Barok: Hindi. Hindi sad si Mommy.
Mokong: Sorry na, Mommy.

Barok: Ay, Francis, hindi. Sad si Mommy kasi hindi na pupunta ng Bacolod. Pero mas happy si Mommy kasi inisip mo baka matamaan si Mommy ng maraming tao. Mas happy si Mommy dun. Sasabihin ko kay Jesus, magte-thank you ako kasi binigyan ako ng very good boy.

_

Our conversation didn’t exactly end there. I had to re-assure him that I’ll be okay. I am sad, but I am also happy. A few minutes after, he was asleep. Really, what have I done in this lifetime to deserve a son like him?
_
Hayyyy.... Ang drama naming mag-ina!
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