Monday, March 5, 2001

The Revelation

I had a near death experience during the earlier part of February. I wasn't hurt or anything (thank God!), but it sure did shook me up. I was crossing a street, when a passenger jeepney counterflowed on my lane. The driver was fast enough to step on the breaks. But the screeching sound was too loud, enough for me to conclude that that jeepney was obviously at its fastest! When it stopped, the jeepney was merely 2 feet away from me. I was shocked, but I was able to get out of his way fast enough. Just imagine if the driver had failed to stop his jeepney a second longer! Whew! Such a senseless way to die!

Because of that incident, I tried to be a little more careful in everything that I do. You would never know when accidents would strike. In a way, that was my second chance in life! No matter how corny you think I felt about that incident, still, I learned to appreciate my life more.

And then came the incident several days ago. I related my first ever experience to all of you of being robbed at gunpoint. While I drool over the material things that I lost, a friend of mine asked for the reasons why certain things have to happen that way.

We all know that everything happens for a reason… and two near death incidents in a month is obviously trying to tell me something. I prayed hard asking God why all of these have to happen to me. How would I know what His exact message is?

It wasn't too difficult to understand… You see, all my e-mails have its own signature. I usually write quotations as my signature. Several months ago, I used this one:

"ALWAYS TAKE CHANCES! So you never have to go through life wondering 'what if' and 'if only.'"

This year, I decided to change that quotation…

"GOD will never leave you empty...HE will replace everything you lost. If HE asks you to put something down, it's because HE wants you to pick up something greater!!!"

I had my own reasons then why I changed that signature… But now, I see why… and it's totally different from what this message tried to tell me then.

The two incidents has taught me two things: to appreciate the greatness of God through His gift of life and knowing that everything we lose, God has His own way of replacing them with something greater and better…

So what is this fuss all about? I'm not trying to be corny, sentimental or dramatic… I just wanted to share with you a GOOD news.

Last Saturday, I saw a doctor and she confirmed my suspicion! I'm pregnant! I'm 9 weeks pregnant to be exact. =) She estimated that I'll be giving birth on the 1st week of October… but I am hoping that it'll be earlier so it could fall at my exact birthday, September 25… Of course, that would be wishful thinking…. But with your prayers, well, that might not be impossible at all. ;-)

If you think I am getting married, sorry to disappoint you but I am not. Neither are there plans of me getting married after I give birth. I know that this step that I will take would be very difficult. It's not going to be easy being a single mom… But I wanted to take the chance. I have longed to have my own child, and I will not let go of this great opportunity to experience being complete as a woman.

Telling my family about this wasn't easy either. I know, somehow, I have hurt them on my decision to do this alone. But there are things that I needed to prove for myself. No, I'm not being stubborn or hardheaded. This child would always signify my yearning for freedom, a living proof that no matter how restrained we all are from the many rules that dominate our lives, we could still set our spirits free… that I am freespirited.

Not that I am saying that you go out there and impregnate women or go get yourself pregnant… My reasons are much more deeper than that… I don't know if you would understand… I just need you to accept the kind of person I chose to be.